Monday, April 30, 2012

Nempnett Thrubwell (n.)

The feeling experienced when driving off for the frist time on a brand new motorbike.

Nempnett Thrubwell

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Sturry (n.,vb.)

A token run. Pedestrians who have chosen to cross a road immediately in front of an approaching vehicle generally give a little wave and break into a sturry. This gives the impression of hurrying without having any practical effect on their speed whatsoever.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

Farnham (n.)

The feeling you get about four o'clock in the afternoon when you haven't got enough done.


Friday, April 27, 2012

Pabbay (n.,vb.)

(Fencing term.) The play, or manoeuvre, where one swordsman leaps on to the table and pulls the battleaxe off the wall.


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Dalrymple (n.)

Dalarymples are the things you pay extra for on pieces of hand-made craftwork - the rough edges, the paint smudges and the holes in the glazing.


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Savernake (vb.)

To sew municipal crests on to a windcheater in the belief that this will make the wearer appear cosmopolitan.


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Cairnpat (n.)

A large piece of dried dung found in mountainous terrain above the cowline which leads the experienced tracker to believe that hikers have recently passed.


Monday, April 23, 2012

Tabley Superior (n.)

The look directed at you in a theatre bar in the interval by people who've already got their drinks.

Tabley Superior

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Babworth (n.)

Something which justifies having a really good cry.


Saturday, April 21, 2012

Widdicombe (n.)

The sort of person who impersonates trim phones.


Friday, April 20, 2012

Adrigole (n.)

The centrepiece of a merry-go-round on which the man with the tickets stands unnervingly still.


Thursday, April 19, 2012

Kettleness (adj.)

The quality of not being able to pee while being watched.


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Hadzor (n.)

A sharp instrument placed in the washing-up bowl which makes it easier to cut yourself.


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Le Touquet (n.)

A mere nothing, an unconsidered trifle, a negligible amount. Un touquet is often defined as the difference between the cost of a bottle of gin bought in an off-licence and one bought in a duty-free shop.

Le Touquet

Monday, April 16, 2012

Galashiels (pl.n.)

A form of particularly long sparse sideburns which are part of the mandatory uniform of British Rail guards.


Sunday, April 15, 2012

Maaruig (n.)

The inexpressible horror experienced on walking up in the morning and remembering that you are Andy Stewart.


Saturday, April 14, 2012

Farduckmanton (n. archaic)

An ancient edict, mysteriously omitted from the Domesday Book, requiring that the feeding of fowl on village ponds should be carried out equitably.


Friday, April 13, 2012

Nutbourne (n.)

In a choice between two or more possible puddings, the one nobody plumps for.


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Didling (participial vb.)

The process of trying to work out who did it when reading a whodunnit, and trying to keep your options open so that when you find out you can allow yourself to think that you knew perfectly well who it was all along.


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Papple (vb.)

To do what babies do to soup with their spoons.


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Caarnduncan (n.)

The high-pitched and insistent cry of the young female human urging one of its peer group to do something dangerous on a cliff-edge or piece of toxic waste ground.


Monday, April 9, 2012

Sluggan (n.)

A lurid facial bruise which everyone politely omits to mention because it's obvious that you had a punch-up with your spouse last night - but which into a door. It is useless to volunteer the true explanation because nobody will believe it.


Sunday, April 8, 2012

Boothby graffoe (n.)

1. The man in the pub who slaps people on the back as if they were old friends, when in fact he has no friends, largely on account of this habit.
2. Any story told by Robert Morley on chat shows.

Boothby graffoe

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Tooting bec (n.)

A car behind which one draws up at the traffic lights and hoots at when the lights go green before realising that the car is parked and there is no one inside.

Tooting bec

Friday, April 6, 2012

Affpuddle (n.)

A puddle which is hidden under a pivoted paving stone. You only know it's there when you step on the paving stone and the puddle shoots up your leg.


Thursday, April 5, 2012

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Horton-cum-studley (n.)

The combination of little helpful grunts, nodding movements of the head, considerate smiles, upward frowns and serious pauses that a group of people join in making in trying to elicit the next pronouncement of somebody with a dreadful stutter.


Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Tincleton (n.)

A man who amuses himself in your lavatory by pulling the chain in mid-pee and then seeing if he can finish before the flush does.


Monday, April 2, 2012

Barstibley (n.)

A humorous device such as a china horse or small naked porcelain infant which jocular hosts use of piss water into your Scotch with.


Sunday, April 1, 2012

Smarden (vb.)

To keep your mouth shut by smiling determinedly through you teeth. Smardening is largely used by people trying to give the impression that they're enjoying a story they've heard at least six times before.