Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Mankinholes (pl.n.)

The small holes in a loaf of bread which give rise to the momentary suspicion that something may have made its home within.


Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Silesia (n. medical)

The inability to remember, at the critical moment, which is the better side of a boat to be seasick off.


Monday, February 27, 2012

Brompton (n.)

A bromton is that which is said to have been committed when you are convinced you are about to blow off with a resounding trumpeting noise in a public place and all that actually slips out is a tiny 'pfpt'.


Sunday, February 26, 2012

Nubbock (n.)

The kind of person who has to leave before a party can relax and enjoy itself.


Saturday, February 25, 2012

Great wakering (participial vb.)

Panic which sets in when you badly need to go to the lavatory and cannot make up your mind about what book or magazine to take with you.

Great wakering

Friday, February 24, 2012

Corriearklet (n.)

The moment at which two people approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognise each other and immediately pretend they haven't. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognising each other the whole length of the corridor.


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Kanturk (n.)

An extremely intricate knot originally used for belaying the topgallant foresheets of a gaff-rigged China clipper, and now more commonly observed when trying to get an old kite out of the cupboard under the stairs.


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Gipping (participial vb.)

The fish-like opening and closing of the jaws seen amongst people who have recently been to the dentist and are puzzled as to whether their teeth have been put back the right way up.


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Kilmurvy (n.)

Man who owns all the latest sporting gadgetry and clothing (gold trolley, tee cosies, ventilated shoes, Gary Player- autographed tracksuit top, American navy cap, mirror sunglasses) but is still only on his second gold lesson.


Monday, February 20, 2012

Lybster (n., vb.)

The artificial chuckle in the voice-over at the end of a supposedly funny television commercial.


Sunday, February 19, 2012

Dunbar (n.)

A highly specialised fiscal term used solely by turnstile operatives at Regent's Park zoo. It refers to the variable amount of increase in the variable gate takings on a Sunday afternoon, caused by persons going to the zoo because they are in love and believe that the feeling of romance will be somehow enhanced by the smell of panther sweat and rank incontinence in the reptile house.


Saturday, February 18, 2012

Winston-Salem (n.)

A person in a restaurant who suggest to their companions that they should split the cost of the meal equally, and then orders two packets of cigarettes on the bill.


Friday, February 17, 2012

Pleeley (adj.)

Descriptive of a drunk person's attempt to be endearing.


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Hoggeston (n.)

The action of overshaking a pair of dice in a cup in the mistaken belief that this will affect the eventual outcome in your favour and not irritate everyone else.


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Sconser (n.)

A person who looks around then when talking to you, to see if there's anyone more interesting about.


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Meath (adj.)

Warm and very slightly clammy. Descriptive of the texture of your hands after the automatic drying machine has turned itself off, just damp enough to make it embarrassing if you have to shake hands with someone immediately afterwards.


Monday, February 13, 2012

Louth (n.)

The sort of man who wears loud check jackets, has a personalized tankard behind the bar and always gets served before you do.


Sunday, February 12, 2012

Baldock (n.)

The sharp prong on the top of a tree stump where the tree has snapped off before being completely sawn through.


Saturday, February 11, 2012

Damnaglaur (n.)

A certain facial expression which actors are required to demonstrate their mastery of before they are allowed to play MacBeth.


Friday, February 10, 2012

Obwestry (abs.n.)

Bloody-minded determination on part of a storyteller to continue a story which both the teller and the listeners know has become desperately tedious.


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Dillytop (n.)

The kind of bath plug which for some unaccountable reason is actually designed to sit on top of the hole rather than fit into it.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Pitlochry (n.)

The background gurgling noise heard in Wimby Bars caused by people trying to get the last bubbles out of their milkshakes by slurping loudly through their straws.


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Wembley (n.)

The hideous moment of confirmation that the disaster presaged in the ely (q.v.) has actually struck.


Monday, February 6, 2012

Reculver (n.)

The sort of remark only ever made during Any Questions.


Sunday, February 5, 2012

Scambleby (n.)

A small dog which resembles a throw-rug and appears to be dead.


Saturday, February 4, 2012

Articlave (n.)

A clever architectural construction designed to give the illusion from the top deck of a bus that it is far too big for the road.


Friday, February 3, 2012

Didcot (n.)

The tiny oddly-shaped bit of card which a ticket inspector cuts out of a ticket with his clipper for no apparent reason. It is a little-known fact that the confetti at Princess Margaret's wedding was made up of thousands of didcots collected by inspectors on the Royal Train.


Thursday, February 2, 2012

Glenties (pl.n.)

Series of small steps by which someone who has made a serious tactical error in a conversion or argument moves from complete disagreement to wholehearted agreement.


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Todber (n.)

One whose idea of a good time is to stand behind his front hedge and give surly nods to people he doesn't know.